Tonight is One Of Those Nights

Indeed, tonight is the night that I wrap presents. Of course I have my own methodology. I proceed to get lit, listen to good music, wrap all presents in the same paper, cram all the extra paper into the ends, add no bows or ribbons and make them basically look like a down syndrome fuck wrapped them. Good times, I say.

A Little Religion

On the recent guys camping trip (more on that later) a few religous topics came up and one was the following piece of art. I have seen it refered to as "The Senior Partner" or "Unending Riches". Either way it seems to be quite the mockery of Jesus (although I am sure it was not intended as such)

I prefer to call it something like "J makes it so" or "The Art of the Deal" or "Don't Fuck JC Over, Brah".

Secondly, some years back I gave Brian a heartfelt gift. He does not display it. I have demanded that he either display it with pride or give it back, to no avail. Here it is, a tasteful statuette.

Who would not like the statuette of Jesus running the option with a few kids? Hell, he does not even have a helmet on! Do you think those sandals get a good grip? Doubtful.

Lastly, I present the first xmas card I received at work.

Granted, the fact that anyone gave me a card is nice and she is a nice lady but...do not send the random xmas card to everyone in the company extolling your religious views. Do you really think that everyone is going to appreciate the "everlasting presence" of Christ? No. I am quite sure if I randomly sent out some nice devil worship cards during the year I would be fired. Same difference I say.

And So It Ends

Fuck you Phillies.

Randomness (aka drunken post)

Here I sit listening to some Toadies and drinking some Jaeger. The Dodgers got their asses handed to them earlier, so all is not well. What follows are random tidbits culled from a pad of notes.

I saw that a busload of Amish folk got in a wreck. I thought those fucks only road in buggies? Faithless they are!

I can't help but mock the John McCain hand shake (aka robot arm or tin man with no oil). Yes, I know there are reasons, but damn!

Youtube is the devil. Many a drunken hour I have spent perusing the various videos of bands from my past. I still love them so! A few things that I have noticed that I hate. Electronic drums and the headless bass guitar. Weak as hell. A curiosity is the Rush Afterimage video. Neil Peart (perhaps the greatest rock drummer ever) sporting the long sleeve button down collared shirt. Very rock and roll it is not! I have also taken note of all of those fucks that record themselves playing Rush songs or Van Halen solos. Thanks for nothing. I know I have very limited skills on the kit but you guys make me feel like a tard. Appreciate that! At least I am semi talented in Rock Band. FYI, I love youtube.

I may have delved into this moment from my past but if so, too bad. Way on back in 1983 ish. I have very limited $$, as do my friends, so every cassette purchase is crucial. How do I know this? Because I recall a trip to the record store at Willowbrook Mall. I can't recall the store but I remember the purchases. Chris buys Whitesnake-Slide It In (good call), Doug gets Bryan Adams-Reckless (a fine album but a bit wimpy for us hard rockers), I get Dokken-Tooth & Nail. Solid buys for all. I do not recall when Dave did this, but he snagged the Autograph tape. I do recall listening to it in the van and it sucked. Dave was none too pleased. Nearly as much so as when he decreed that SOD (Stormtroopers Of Death) could not be played in his van. He changed his tune later as he became the heaviest rocker amongst us (and played in a band to boot). Suprisingly Blind Worms Sting turns up hundreds of times with a google search. Well played.

Let us speak of the economy. I have lost 40% of the value of my 401K in the calendar year. Of course that sucks but I care not. I am not retiring anytime soon, so let the market work!

I have contemplated my various drinking feats and perhaps it is time to attempt a listing. So here we go:

Funneling rum & coke

Lobster man ( 10 oz shot)

Everclearshooting contest ( Rules, take a shot with no chaser for 1 minute. I lost after4)

King Of Drink (Initially I was told I did well, but hindsight crowns Christopher)

60 minute man ( shot of beer every 60 seconds. I hurled but pulled it off. Harder than you think)

Edward 40 Hands

I forget how long it lasted last Holiday season, but it must have been 30 days of drinking.

I have pulled the 3 days of drinking in the same clothes.

I attempted the 100 beer weekend but ended up failing around 67. Tougher than it may seem.

I am willing to attempt most things for "science".

I have participated in many a football or baseball drinking game.

I have pounded down a flaming shot.

Pounding a bottle of Mad Dog in one drink ( not really the answer)

Too many drinking games to keep track of.

Yes I am 40. And I will carry on.

Carnage

I have discussed the carnage that hit my casa, here is the photographic evidence.

Rally Monkey Makes It So

Before the season started, I thought that the Dodgers had a good chance of making some noise. Since I figured it might be our year, I ordered up a Dodger collar for the dog, Saturn. Recently, while in LA on business, the wife bought me a Dodger rally monkey (official name Fuzzhead Wig Monkey). So, I have faithfully watched the three game sweep of the Cubs, lugged the monkey to the bar with me, faced derision for having a doll with me and toasted every victory with a Jaegerbomb. Good times. Below we have a picture of the three keys to victory!

And Now The Rant....

So, I am pretty sure that we all knew a hurricane was coming. I am also sure that the word was put out to prepare for a week without electricity. With that being said, fuck all of you SOB's waiting for the FEMA truck on Monday. Everybody crying about the Feds arent helping them. It had been two days. I feel certain that 99% of all house holds in the Houston area had enough canned goods to last two days. If you are stupid enough to not prepare, well, sorry. Hopefully Darwinism will weed you out. I could extend the branch of sympathy to those on Galveston and Bolivar but you were not supposed to even be there! Mandatory evacuation. What does it mean? How about get the fuck out! Now myself, I probably would stayed but I would have been well stocked. If I did not live behind the seawall, I would have seen the signs Thursday and bailed.
Back to the FEMA thing. I think they did just fine. They are not supposed to help out a city like Houston. It for a disaster area like Galveston. I saw some guy saying he needed to get formula for his baby. Hello? How about stocking up before it hit? Fucking people, I hate them.

Ice
I would like someone to tell me when ice became a needed commodity? Ice is a luxury in a disaster zone. I cannot believe all these people bitching and clamoring for ice. Sure, it might be nice to save your perishables, but you had to plan on them going away. Ice is not a necessity. In my case I froze water bottles in the hope that if the power went down I could save things for a day or two. If not, BBQ city. I would not be standing in line for hours to get ice, it is not needed. Desired, yes. Needed, no.

Ike Timeline

What follows is a timeline of the events that transpired before, during and after Ike nuked us.
9/12/08
11:30AM: I received a call from Brandy's Dad letting us know that he had purchased a generator but the guy who was going to deliver it would not be able to make it to Brenham. The good news was that he was here in Cypress, a mere few miles away. If we wanted to borrow it we could. Amazingly, I said "Yes". I got the generator but the only problem was gas for it. I managed to get 6 gallons and would have to see if that would suffice.

1:00PM Meet Malc, King and Brian at Molly's Pub for pre storm beers and grub. Guy at the bar tapes up only a few windows with an x of painters tape. We all mock him.

6:20PM Our traditional hurricane buddy (Brian Scott) has joined us at the house. He has brought a case of MRE's. We notice that the wind has begun to blow.

6:30ishPM AT&T UVerse service goes down. This means the TV and internet. Seems a little premature to be losing services.

8:00ishPM I am drinking hurricanes and it is time for the MRE draft. We had a case of 12, so the three of us had a draft. If I recall my first round pick was the pork rib and the last selection was meatloaf (full of onions I am sure).

10:00PM I am not hunkering down, but the hunkerdown drinking game is in effect. Everytime you hear it, drink a large drink. This will not end well.

10:05PM I play "Galveston" by Glenn Campbell as it seems the shit is starting to hit.

11:20PM The ill used basketball goal in the drive way goes down. It misses my Jeep and Brians car by about a foot or so. So far so good.

12:00ish Time for a little Rock Band!

SATURDAY 9/13/08

1:12AM The power is now out. Time to listen to the radio and light the candles (thanks Bran).

2:50ishAM Nice gusts of wind. Bran expresses concern. I am not worried (imagine that). I set the over/under on deaths at 35 and wager with John and Brian. In retrospect I should have specified Texas. At this point the "hunker down" drinking game has gotten ugly. Every other fuck who calls in on the radio says it!

3:20AM Very windy. The trees are dancing! Brian has passed out. So far the wind is howling but no visible damage.

5:00AM I had intended to pull an all nighter but here is were it gets hazy. The fence goes down and Bran wakes me up to go check it out and see if we can save the rest. I say "No". It is now time for an Ike.

Sidenote: The Ike. A drink I made up pre storm that I was determined to have. Throw some liquor of your choice in a glass and then fill it up with rain from Ike. The Ike, genius, or so I thought.

5:05AM Hurl up the Ike on the front porch. Bran gets onto me for doing it by the front door but I am positive it will be washed away.

7:30AM Bran wakes me up and I see that things have taken a shit turn. The three trees out front are leaning upon another and have fallen on the garage. Not much to be done at this time.

Saturday AM and PM I am pretty much a slug. Bran does some minor repairs and I sleep alot. I do manage to get the generator up and running but that is about it on my part. Stunningly, Bran is less than pleased.

10:15PM Power is restored. This enough to wake me from my daylong funk and grab a few Shiners to celebrate.

11:39PM The celebration is short lived as the power goes out again. My beer drinking mood fades as well.

Sunday 9/13/08
8:30AM Time to crank up the generator again. So far the reefer has been kept cold.

8:45AM The power comes back on for good. Excellent. We are quite happy, except for the fact that TV and Internet do not return until 11:45AM Wednesday. Of course this is small potatoes compared to most. But I will bitch nonetheless.

Saturday 9/20/08

Here I sit listening to some tunes and drinking Bacardi and coke. The insurance adjuster will be out tomorrow to look at our damages (fence, missing shingles, some water damage in a closet, trees on house) and the arborist determined today that none of the three trees could be saved, so they will be hacking them down tomorrow AM. On the plus side, things are pretty much normal for me. I worked all week, Bran finally started her job Thursday (as opposed to the original Monday start date). We were able to go to Buffalo Wild Wings last night with Tom and his brood and today ordered pizza for delivery. The wheels of business must carry on! All in all, Ike treated us alright, even though we are an object of gawking on our street!
I end this with thanks to Brain for his motivational message!

Clocking In

It is 7:56 AM and since the work day starts at 8, it is time to have that first drink. Bacardi and V-8 Fusion, mmm. Well, before the storm rolls in I need to get my wagers in for the weekend and cut a few branches that are near my roof (so as to give the insurance company no excuses when it comes to the new roof I will have).

Some Things I Like

I like drinking
I like days off
I like drinking on my days off
I like getting paid to drink on my days off

That is the situation that presents itself to me tomorrow. Hurricane Ike is bearing down on the upper Texas Gulf Coast as I type and business is closed tomorrow. In this blogs previous incarnation I had written about the impending doom of Hurricane Rita. Of course nothing came to pass except for a half day of no power and my drunken antics. Ike may not be as powerful but it seems dead set on tagging us. I should experience close to hurricane force winds but it should not be too bad. Perhaps several days with no power. The bar is well stocked and I shall want for nothing except AC.

More to come tomorrow.